Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
Randomize
