Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
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