he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
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