You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
Randomize
