i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
the day after is always just damage control
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
Randomize
