were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
Randomize
