I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
I posted her number in the m4m casual encounters area of Craigslist.
I guess her always saying "gay men love me!" will finally get put to the test.
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
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