i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
17 year olds will be the death of me.
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
Randomize
