he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
Randomize
