Apparently you make a good broom.
i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
Man, jail baloney is awful.
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
Randomize
