So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
Whats the glycemic index on semen?
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
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