He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
When did we convert life to cartoon?
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
Randomize
