Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
