i hate that site..its like every vagina you dont wanna see
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
Randomize
