I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
Randomize
