I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
Randomize
