I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
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