If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
I got her a Nickelback box set.
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
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