I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
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