as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
Randomize
