so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
Randomize
