Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
Randomize
