I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
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