Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
You can't just leave with hair like that
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
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