Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
Randomize
