Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
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