I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
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