Having a random hookup so left but love u
Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
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