i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
Randomize
