i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
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