i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
