how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
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