I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
Randomize
