Where are you?
In a non slutty way
Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
Panties = found
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
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