You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
