I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
I have peed in a lot of sinks
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
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