I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
Randomize
