I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
We need a shit load of segways right now
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
Randomize
