All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Randomize
