So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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