So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
I like to think it a success when the cops are called
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
Randomize
