I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
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