when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
Randomize
