Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
Going to the u of w I constantly have that moment of, oh hey I felt you up at that rave at folk fest that one time. Winnipeg is too small.
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Randomize
