Banned from zoo.
Again?
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
OPIZZABONMYDICK
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
Randomize