my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
you will always have a special place in my vag
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
Randomize
