I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
Why can't burritos get me drunk
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
Randomize
