apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
Randomize
