he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
Randomize
