Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
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