We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
Randomize
