So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
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