Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
