My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
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