I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
Randomize
