Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
Randomize
